Step	Motto	Text read at the beginning of the session
Step 1: Honesty	I have a problem with aggression	This first step is about admitting that you have a problem with aggression. This is also what brings us together in this group. Recognizing that you have a problem controlling your aggression is difficult. Many people with an aggression regulation problem minimalize or justify their violence. It is not severe or it is the fault of others if violence is used. It takes courage to be honest about aggression. About the seriousness of the violence, the circumstances under which it takes place (sometimes under the influence of substances) and the damage it causes others and yourself. We are gathered here in this group because we all have a problem with aggression. We have insufficient control over the aggression we use and it is disproportionate. Through this aggression we harm ourselves and others. Good intentions alone are not enough to control aggression. We must face this honestly in order to move forward. We have a problem and we cannot solve it alone.
Step 2: Hope	I am not alone	The second step is about the help you can get from others to learn to control your aggression. You cannot solve your problems with aggression alone. Fortunately, there are resources you can use. Some people seek this in faith, others seek it in contact with other people. In any case, you can look for it in this group. We are here together to help each other. The group has the ability to take you one step further. You don’t have to do everything alone. Everyone does it at his own pace. We are here to help each other. As a group we are stronger than each individual. Even if you fall back into old habits, you can count on the group. The group members know from their own experience what it is like to have no control over your aggression. But they also know what it is like to regain it and what effort it takes. Talking to your group mates can give you hope and strength.
Step 3: Trust	I accept help in learning to control my aggression	The third step is about learning to accept help. People who have problems want help. But getting help is harder than it looks. The ideas that we have about ourselves, such as pride, the idea of not needing anyone, of knowing ourselves better, can really get in our way. It’s important to let go of these ideas about ourselves and to accept that we can’t do it all on our own. And that’s not a bad thing either. We must learn to trust others. With an open attitude, try to see that help and let go of defined ideas about how that help should come out. You can learn. So far, your efforts to change have not yielded enough. So try to be open to new suggestions. Change is difficult and comes in small steps. Take one step at a time. Big steps go wrong easily. Also try new things, even if they feel uncomfortable. With the help of others, new ways are possible.
Step 4: Courage	I acknowledge the consequences of my actions	In the fourth step, you acknowledge the consequences of your behaviour. You look honestly at the things that didn’t go well. And then look honestly at your own part in it. Be careful not to justify your own behaviour or to put the blame entirely on others. Despite everything you’ve been through in your life, the responsibility for how you deal with it lies with you. You cannot change others and circumstances. The only thing you can change is your own behaviour. Look honestly and without self-pity at your own share of your problems. This is not easy. This takes courage. It can help if you hear from your group members how they did it. In addition to all these negative things, it is also important to look at the positive things that you have done in your life. That can give hope for the future. In any case, it is positive that you came here today. It proves that you have the courage to change your life. At least today you help your fellow group members. Your personal experiences are valuable to all of us.
Step 5: Reliability	I admit my mistakes	The fifth step is about acknowledging what you did wrong and talking about it with people you trust. This can be people in the group but also outside it. It’s not just about mentioning events where you feel you misbehaved. It’s also about telling how it feels for you right now. It is important to talk about it with others. Not because others need to know exactly what you have done, but for yourself. If you don’t talk about your experiences, your mind may run wild or you may overlook certain things. By talking, you force yourself to put the events in order. You will find that every time you talk about it, you discover new facets to what happened. In this way you get a different more realistic picture of yourself and you release your secrets. This brings relieve. Others can help you by supporting you when you are struggling or pointing out when you justify your deeds. You can help others by listening to their stories. There are many similarities in the stories told in the group. Sharing these stories creates connection.
Step 6: Willingness	I’m willing to look at the tough sides of my character	The sixth step is about looking closely at your own character. To start working on the negative sides and deal with them more positively. One of the most difficult tasks is to look honestly at yourself. It’s very tempting to fall into self-pity (I’m not good at anything anyway) or overestimate yourself (from today everything will be different). Changing your character is difficult, but you can explore your possibilities and limitations. When you gain more insight into yourself, you get the chance to develop new norms and values. You can’t do that alone and you can’t learn that from a book. There are no rules for it. For a better understanding of yourself you need the power of the group. Everyone in the group tells their story bit by bit and discovers more about themselves. By listening to each other, we learn what is important and what is good and what is not. Also for ourselves.
Step 7: Humility	I face my shortcomings and try to do something about them	Step seven is about recognizing and admitting your mistakes and shortcomings and trying to do something about them. This is not just about aggression but all kinds of things that you have not done well in your life. Seeing your own part in all those things that didn’t go well gives rise to modesty. Apparently you don’t know it all as well as you thought. So stop blaming others for what they didn’t do right, and look at what you yourself could change. Be inspired by others and accept that you are not perfect.
Step 8: Charity	I am willing to make amends with people I have mistreated	Step eight is about taking responsibility for the harm we have caused others. Through our behaviour we have hurt or harmed many people. Sometimes the people closest to us. The damage can be caused by what we have done, for example with our aggression, but also by things we have not done but should have done. If we are not willing to make up for it, we will always be afraid of meeting some people. This leads to unhealthy tension. We shouldn’t just go up to people to make things right. Many people are not waiting for this and it can cause even more damage. It is a willingness to take responsibility for what others have suffered as a result of your behaviour. Not everyone will trust you right away. After all, you cannot change the other. You cannot demand or enforce trust, you can only be reliable.
Step 9: Justice	I clean up and settle my debts if possible	Step nine is about actually making things right with people. Before you do that, it is important to first talk about it with someone you trust. In some cases, people will like that you want to make things right. They will appreciate you taking responsibility for your behaviour and making excuses. If there is material damage, you could compensate or make an arrangement. With others you can’t or only partially make up for it. It is possible that contact with you reopens old wounds. If you expect that, you shouldn’t make contact. Check that this is really the case by talking about it with someone else and don’t use it as an excuse for not having to do anything. Sometimes it can help to write a letter first. Some contacts are really lost. These people don’t want anything to do with you anymore. That can be sad, hurts and brings disappointment. It can strengthen you that you have at least taken an action and taken your responsibility.
Step 10: Perseverance	I stay alert to my behaviour	Step 10 is about staying alert to falling back into old behaviour. Changing behaviour is difficult. When things go well for a while, people tend to let their attention slacken a bit. Then the chance of relapse is the greatest. Risk factors also include stress and uncertainty. If there are conflicts, for example at home or at work, or if there is uncertainty due to, for example, financial problems or physical complaints, then the chance that you will revert to old behaviour is bigger. If you feel you are in a risk situation or have relapsed into old behaviours, talk to someone in the group about it. It’s not that bad to make mistakes, it’s even unavoidable. But as soon as you notice it or someone else makes you aware of it, acknowledge them and take a different path. In addition to learning from our mistakes, we also learn to be open to the opinions of others. Not to blindly follow what others say, but to include the vision of others in your own considerations.
Step 11: Reflection	I think about my life	Step 11 is about making it a habit to think about your life. You may have lived impulsively in your past and went from one situation to another. It is now important that you keep a closer eye on your life. That you think about where you are now and where you want to go. It may be that it is sometimes a bit “quieter” in your life, that it is less exciting. Then don’t try to find the tension of your old life again, but think about how you feel now. For some people this can be done through meditation and prayer, for others by talking about it. If you are having a hard time, go to your group members. They will recognize your experiences.
Step 12: Service	I help others with their aggression problem	At step 12, you try to be an example for others. You have had many negative experiences in your life. You’ve done things you’re not proud of and perhaps ashamed of. You can now turn these negative experiences into something positive. By working on your problems you have gained new insights. Because you can now control your aggression better yourself, you can set an example for others. Your past allows you to help others with an aggression problem. You are doing something positive with your negative past. This makes your past valuable again. The best way to help others is by being honest and open about your experiences. The other learns from it and no longer feels so alone with his problems. In addition, you can help others think about themselves. By helping another, you help yourself. You will become richer, wiser and happier.